Going back and looking at pictures of my younger self was probably not my best move to start with… although it did leave me in a better head space about my body than I first started out with. Comparing my body to the way it looked when I was younger and more active (because I did have more free time then) and before I had a baby was unrealistic and very dumb on my part!

I mean it’s always a great idea to have a goal weight/look in mind, but I think me comparing myself to what I looked like when I was younger isn’t healthy… I looked too thin, my cheeks were a little sunken in and my ribs were a little too pronounced, and that may be someone else’s dream look but it isn’t mine…

I flip flop back and forth, I know I need to at least reach my target weight and then I can work on toning as needed but even when it comes to the topic of the ‘perfect’ or better yet the ideal weight I draw a blank or see a picture and decide that that is a better look for me. This is another untimely part I hate about this process. It is also an excuse I use to quit before the real work can even begin.

I worked out this morning after I put my son down for his nap, after I did that and my cool down I sat down with my laptop and started diving deep into my old photos. I saw some things I liked and some things I hate, I know there is no such thing as the perfect body, we all have different ideas of course and desire a certain look….. I just don’t know what my look is yet.

Currently my biggest issue is my postpartum belly…. as far as tummies go it isn’t so bad! But it is far from the flat smooth stomach I once had. Honestly I slathered the stretch mark cream (Burt’s Bees Belly Butter) on every day at least three times a day but somethings you cannot avoid no matter how hard you try, I am still learning to love my stretch marks and accept that they aren’t going anywhere and that they’re the product of hard work and an amazing baby brought safely into the world.

And maybe also some odd cravings that occasionally got out of hand but that is a different story altogether!

And if I decide to have more children the chances of me collecting a few more are very likely. So I better get used to them now because they aren’t going anywhere. I like my legs, I think my arms are a little too muscular but that is me nit picking myself, most people I believe have something they hate about their body, of course the thing they hate is probably something someone else dreams they could have….. seems like a very vicious cycle.

There are little things here and there that I would love to change about myself, knowing it’ll take a nice chunk of time before I get to where I want to be and satisfied with how I look does make me want to throw in the towel before I get started in earnest. But I know that this isn’t the time to give up, I need to stick to my guns this time and really hold myself accountable and to a higher standard! I don’t want to let myself down.

I started a routine today, it is better for me to just do it instead of writing it down and letting it loom over me for the rest of the day and then mock me while the minutes tick by because I know something will inevitably pop up and throw me off. The one thing I can count on for sure in my husbands normal work week is PT, and that at least gets me awake and alert and somewhat ready to begin the day.

I do not as a habit drink coffee every day although a caffeine boost every now and again is a welcome treat.

If I’m lucky J will sleep long enough for me to get my s (hit) together and get his breakfast ready and tend to his big sister, but I know babies/toddlers don’t work like that so a backup plan is somewhat in place plus this is only day 1 of said routine, and I’m not sure I can even call it that but the house is put together, everyone is dressed and fed and played out and whatnot so I’ll take it!

I had it all mapped out in my mind but naturally there were a nice handful of unaccounted and surprise tasks that got added to the mental list. One thing that remained the same however was my sons morning nap ritual which I took advantage of to get my workout done and over with!

I was still pretty sore from going to the gym yesterday and I didn’t stretch nearly enough but that is all part of the learning process. I’ll try to take pictures the next time I am at the gym but I make no promises, also I don’t know if that is considered weird or not? Gym selfies? acceptable? Unacceptable? Someone should probably tell me! (seriously lemme know)

I also managed to map out a route for evening jogs that will be a nice way to wind down the day if I have the energy/drive to do it, I know I will have to force myself to start jogging these first few weeks because I can and will look for any and every excuse not to go but I NEED to, the route I mapped out isn’t even that long or bad, I’d say it is just under two miles which is less than I am planning on doing in the gym anyway so it is a good start.

I just need to push myself, understand that this is going to be seriously hard work and that the more it hurts the better I’ll look. (When I say hurts I mean like post workout sore not writhing in pain, just to clarify)

Okay to bring this long and jumbled post to a close, (thanks for sticking with it this long) my meals today thus far have been…decent? Breakfast was honestly good, I just had a bowl of Honey Bunches with almonds and whole milk. (Oops, I know I shouldn’t drink whole but I am hands down using my 11-month old transiting to cows milk as an excuse so….)

Lunch was buffalo mac n cheese which was like 620 some calories I believe? (Don’t quote me on that) And we haven’t had dinner yet! But I’ve upped my water intake and still haven’t worked up the appetite for dinner, I know I should eat something and I will I just don’t know what to make yet!

All in all today I think can safely be classified as a semi good day? I am by no means a health expert and I have no clue how many calories were in my breakfast but I use very little milk because I hate soggy cereal and I downed a good amount of water beforehand so I feel like that maybe saved me some calories as well! Who knows!

Sorry for the semi long post and if you made it this far thank you! If anyone has any tips or tricks I would honestly be very thankful for them! Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have some pictures with my post but due to the weather that is subject to change!


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